I’m Pregnant!
Hi friends,
It’s been a while…how have you been lately?
I'm writing you from Claremont, CA where I've recently moved (back) to, and my body’s been feeling the slowwwwness of winter especially these past few weeks.
Despite all the commotion around new year’s resolutions and post-holiday back-to-work “full steam ahead” shenanigans, my body’s mostly been in yin mode, recovering from 2023 and embracing the reflective, introspective, cozy, bundled up hibernation vibes of the season as much as possible.
Probably also has something to do with the fact that as some of you know, I am pregnant!
I can't believe I'm entering my third trimester soon..it feels like it's flying by. It’s funny how time works. I remember like it was just yesterday counting down the last weeks of first trimester, just wishing it could be second trimester as soon as possible so the nausea can subside and I can know the baby is okay.
Now, as I feel my baby kick, hiccup, swoosh around my belly, as I feel my womb practice contractions, and as I find myself preparing for birth and postpartum and newborn care, I’m like where did the time go?!
My mini bump last month!
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, the biggest intention I've held for myself is PRESENCE.
The day I realized I’m pregnant marked the beginning of a completely and dramatically new chapter in my life. And yet, life has kept life’ing and my pregnancy has unfolded under a backdrop of constant change.
Whether it’s moving homes and cities, with most of my things packed away in boxes for a few months and not knowing where anything was…
Or my first major international trip in years back to Korea while newly experiencing morning sickness and my grandfather unexpectedly passing away and my grandmother navigating Stage 4 ovarian cancer…
Or my full-time job ramping up in intensity, going through multiple rounds of layoffs, and demanding more of me for the last 4 months, while I witness and respond to the horror of what’s unfolding in Gaza and around the world…
It’s been a lot.
AND I’ve been feeling deep gratitude for all of the blessings. The beautiful house that feels like a soft landing place and sanctuary for our growing family and dreams…a truly meaningful trip back to the motherland with many special moments, including bringing together for the first time four generations into one room—my grandmother, my mother, me, and my baby.
My pregnancy journey has so far felt like a vast oceanic wave of wonder, transformation, mystery, magic, power, deep connection with spirit, love, peace, gratitude, excitement, growth, creative inspiration, and being home in my body...as well as chaos, nausea, anger, frustration, grief, loneliness, discomfort, anxiety, uncertainty, exhaustion, endless checklists, and overwhelm.
When zooming out and considering the larger picture though, I've never felt more ready and more at peace than ever before. A deep sense of calm and creative energy permeates my body as I ride this wave.
For the majority of my life, I was very hesitant about becoming a mother. Deep down inside, I held a belief that my life would end once I became a mother. My identity, my career, my freedom - over.
I observed my mother, heard the regret in her voice, and listened to her stories carrying themes of sacrifice and suffering. She gave up her career when she was pregnant with me, and same thing with my grandmother when she was pregnant with her first son. Their identities fused with their children.
In my head, I thought I’d have to have everything figured out before I even think about becoming a mom. Have a successful career, achieve financial security and freedom, peak in my body’s fitness, do all the travel I want to do, learn all the skills I want to, and then I’ll think about becoming a mom.
There was this huge mental, emotional, spiritual blockage, and yet the theme of motherhood and subconscious desire for it has come up consistently over the last few years of my life.
I’m realizing now that everything I’ve been working on this whole time—my somatic healing practices, reconnecting with my body, ancestors, and spirituality, my intergenerational healing journey, exploring my relationship with pleasure—it’s all coming to a head right now and been the foundation from which this pregnancy has bloomed…profoundly shaping my experience so far of conceiving, carrying, and growing my baby.
My 2024 Words
My two words for 2024 are Presence and Mama.
To ground myself in the present moment, to relish in the joys, to accept the uncertainties, to tune in and be aware, to fully embody and receive and surrender to what is meant to be experienced through this uniquely transformative period of time in my life as I enter motherhood - and to extend this sense of presence into the different roles I play in my life as a mama, wife, daughter, sister, friend, facilitator, artist, entrepreneur, employee, citizen of this world, and human.
As for Mama, I mean that in all senses of the word. I honestly can't wait to step into this role as a mama to my little baby boy but also as a mama to my business, my calling, offerings, and contributions to the community. This means giving myself grace as I juggle different responsibilities, honor my capacity, and also to create and nurture the sanctuary and ecosystem from which any creation can be born, grow, and thrive in...with the time, nutrients, and love needed.
Speaking of mamas, I have found it so fulfilling and invigorating to support women and couples and folks on their own mind-body-spirit journeys of consciously conceiving, nurturing, and birthing new life and healing generations before them and after them. My intention is to support more mamas and mamas-to-be through their transformative creative journeys and to collaborate with other practitioners to uplift and nurture this community.
In the spirit of these intentions, I've decided to write these emails as a way of connecting with my experience more deeply and sharing with people in my life and community that I wanted to invite along for the journey. If you’d rather not receive these notes, please feel free to unsubscribe. If you think this newsletter may resonate with someone in your life, feel free to share and invite to the list.
I don't know exactly where these emails will take me or us, but I'm excited to share my mind-body-spirit journey of pregnancy, motherhood, intergenerational healing, creativity, and beyond...one breath at a time. 🌬️
Crossing the threshold from second to third trimester…
What’s Next
In the next email, maybe I'll share a bit more about my conception journey and spirit babies…
Or about the breathwork ceremony where I connected with my 할머니 halmoni ancestral spirit (grandmother/great grandmother) for the first time
Or my evolving breathwork practice and how it’s so intricately tied with my journey to pregnancy and motherhood, cacao ceremony where I saw my future baby, my 1st & 2nd trimester experiences, my trip back to Korea, my 2023 intentions and how they turned out, or my dragon baby vision…
I’m curious to hear from you…which topic would you like to hear about? Has there been a word or intention you’re wanting to embody heading into this year?
If you haven’t thought of one yet and want to, I invite you to bring one hand to your heart, one hand to your belly, taking a deep inhale…deep exhale…maybe a few more times. See if there’s a word that intuitively pops up for you.
By sharing your intention with me, I hope the mere act of declaring it and sharing it amplifies it one step closer to reality. ✨
Til next time,
Eunice
